A Little About Me

My name is A.J. White. Lately, I’ve come to savor my relationship with Jesus, through the lens of a guide. I’m not your well seasoned hiker and climber, but it’s something I do naturally love and tend to engage on a bit more of a raw level. You may not find me at the climbing gym and I don’t have any impressive list of big mountains I’ve conquered, but I’ve always find myself at home outside. On a bike, climbing a tree, exploring the woods, etc.

I’ve lived a lot of my life here in Indiana. I did spend a few years amongst the mountains and desert, and my soul really came alive there. A year in Bellingham, WA along the evergreen coast of the Northwest and a few years in the desert of Phoenix, AZ. I was able to really play out there and there was no shortage of hikes at my disposal. And like I said, though I wasn’t trekking up big mountains for multiple days, it’s enough to etch the visual, and to know in a general enough sense, the experience of a hike and the journey of a climb. This is where, the role of a guide comes back around.

A couple years ago I was engaging in some spiritual practices that were new to my experience. One of them was the breath prayer. One of the questions I held was “What name or image of God resonates right now?” What came to me was that of a guide. I began thinking a bit more about a guide… the kind I’ve perhaps seen in movies and come to know through the stories of others. What’s the role of a guide? Well, of course it’s to help lead you along the way. Guides know where you are headed and the way to get there. They understand what to look for and pay attention to. They know the dangers and how to help us stay the course. For me, all that is extremely helpful and comforting. Maybe, it’s a part of being single and feeling the weight of responsibility solely on your shoulders. Having support and a guide, brings much relief.

But then my mind wandered a bit more. On journeys and hikes, the guide isn’t just all form and function. At the end of the day, he’s sitting around the fire, telling stories. He’s laughing and sharing and listening. At the start of the day, he’s up early, often taking a moment of quiet to savor and soak in all that is around him. Breathing deep the sights and sounds, letting them fill his soul. Giving careful thought and attention to the details ahead. Depositing the stories of the journey quietly in his heart. There’s strength and knowledge as well as playfulness, connection, and depth.

I love walking through this journey of life, with Jesus as my guide. There’s of course a lot of names and roles that together speak to the full reality of who He is. And we will likely encounter a number of these throughout different seasons of our life. Depending on our unique lives and stories, we also will naturally understand and connect a bit deeper with different aspects of Him. I thought it fitting to share this piece of my relationship with Jesus, because, in a round about way, I imagine it shares a bit more about me.

Beyond the natural elements of journeying through creation, life has been quite the journey for me. I’ve done a lot of different things in my adult life. I went to school for physical eduction, went on full time staff with the ministry of Young Life (twice), worked a number of odd jobs amidst transition, became an entrepreneur, dug into the world of design, did some things I love that I never though I’d do for a living. And then I burned out, met my limits in a way I never had before, and began a few steps into a disorienting road to recovery, a few months before the pandemic set in. I hit a wall head on, and simultaneously encountered a dark night of the soul, language I didn’t know at first.

Though I had stumbled into counseling at a different season prior in my life, I returned again and took a deeper dive, also learning what it means to really engage our stories. I’d say I found, in a sense, my calling, though I still like to hold that word with a little looseness and maybe a little outside it’s traditional sense. I don’t think there is necessarily one calling we are working towards finding, with some of us seemingly taking a lot longer to figure out. I think there’s calling written all over our lives in a number of seasons and ways and places. And I imagine as we grow and change, so might our calling. Let’s just say, for the sake of getting back to the story, I’d heard it said before that our calling is the place where our passions and our burdens collide. Though I’ve held many passions, I could never say I felt really burdened for something in particular. Then it came.

I found myself wiped out in our full speed, filled to the brim world in which we all seemed to have little space or capacity to sit with one another in needs and realities. What I experienced along the way led to holding a passion in one hand and a burden in the other. I’ve spent the last few years continuing to dive a bit deeper into soul care and spiritual formation though things continue to move and shift a bit.

In the spring of 2021 I stepped away from my business, sold my house (and bought a house), simplified, and headed into a season of Sabbatical. I leaned in to spiritual direction and formation, completing year one of a two year program this past year. This Sabbatical season has been a life changing gift for me. I could write more about that later, but it needs some proper time and reflection. But here I am now, coming out of this season, a little step at a time. I’m holding the passions and the burdens of the life I’ve lived and journeyed with God and others. And now, in my own way, I long to be a sacred companion with others as Jesus guides us through our journeys. I think I’ve discovered along the way, a natural knack for making room… with others, in the world we live, with Jesus. I hold with a tender care, those hitting the wall, feeling disoriented through the dark night, and aching with longing and loneliness.

I currently live in a little mid-century ranch here in Evansville, Indiana. I’ve loved bringing a bit of the desert to life through design in this place I call home. I share it with my little Craigslist dog, June (named after June Carter Cash) who joined me a few days after the pandemic quarantine lifted. She’s wonderful and I savor her companionship on the daily.